Jealousy

Definition: Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger,sadness and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy.

Jealousy is a familiar experience in human relationships. It has been observed in infants five months and older. Some claim that jealousy is seen in every culture; however, others claim jealousy is a culture-specific phenomenon.

Cause

It starts when:

• You determine yourself worth based on your possessions, status, or looks.
• You feel "entitled" because of something that's happened to you somewhere along the way.
• You have feelings of insecurity or low self esteem.

You can't completely eliminate the cause of jealousy, but there are some things that can help control it:

1. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. God's plan for you is completely different than His plan for someone else. You may be "in training" for something God has in mind for you. But as long as you waste your time comparing yourself to others, you'll never move forward.

2. Know that where you are is where you need to be. As long as you remain focused and upset about where you're not, God won't put you anywhere else.

3. Start focusing your time on what you can do for other people.When the revelation finally hits you, "it's not about me", you'll finally be released from all that negative junk that pulls you down. Spend your time being a blessing to other people and God will take care of everything else.

4. Overcoming jealousy gets much easier when you realize that God has an amazing plan for your life. Pursuing that plan takes your focus off other people and onto God's best for your life.

5. Take the time to learn. See how others have not only discovered the cause of jealousy in their lives, but have overcome it. There is no reason to have to learn everything on your own. There's a lot of help out there.

Comparison with envy

Popular culture uses the word jealousy as a synonym for envy. Many dictionary definitions include a reference to envy or envious feelings. In fact, the overlapping use of jealousy and envy has a long history.

The terms are used indiscriminately in such popular 'feelgood' books as Nancy Friday's Jealousy, where the expression 'jealousy' applies to a broad range of passions, from envy to lust and greed. While this kind of usage blurs the boundaries between categories that are intellectually valuable and psychologically justifiable, such confusion is understandable in that historical explorations of the term indicate that these boundaries have long posed problems. Perhaps the overlapping use of jealousy and envy occurs because people can experience both at the same time. A person may envy the characteristics or possessions of someone who also happens to be a romantic rival. In fact, one may even interpret romantic jealousy as a form of envy. A jealous person may envy the affection that his or her partner gives to a rival — affection the jealous person feels entitled to himself or herself. People often use the word jealousy as a broad label that applies to both experiences of jealousy and experiences of envy.

Although popular culture often uses jealousy and envy as synonyms, modern philosophers and psychologists have argued for conceptual distinctions between jealousy and envy. For example, philosopher John Rawls distinguishes between jealousy and envy on the ground that jealousy involves the wish to keep what one has, and envy the wish to get what one does not have. Thus, a child is jealous of her parents' attention to a sibling, but envious of her friend's new bicycle. Psychologists Laura Guerrero and Peter Andersen have proposed the same distinction. They claim the jealous person "perceives that he or she possesses a valued relationship, but is in danger of losing it or at least of having it altered in an undesirable manner," whereas the envious person "does not possess a valued commodity, but wishes to possess it." Gerrod Parrot draws attention to the distinct thoughts and feelings that occur in jealousy and envy.

The experience of jealousy involves:

• Fear of loss
• Suspicion or anger about betrayal
• Low self-esteem and sadness over loss
• Uncertainty and loneliness
• Fear of losing an important person to an attractive other
• Distrust

The experience of envy involves:

• Feelings of inferiority
• Longing
• Resentment of circumstances
• Ill will towards envied person often accompanied by guilt about these feelings
• Motivation to improve
• Desire to possess the attractive rival's qualities
• Disapproval of feelings